It was today. The big placement test was today. I had spent 18 years preparing for this, I had to get in. Just yesterday, my room was littered with math formulas and practice questions. I even downed 3 cups of coffee just to stay awake. I had to get in.

I arrived half an hour before the exam, the first people I met there weren’t invigilators or other candidates, but an array of guards lined up on the walls near the entrance of the exam hall. I nervously glanced at the guard closest to me and instantly noticed the gun he had on him. It looked smaller than it did on tv, just another part of the uniform.

There were only ten of us that took math, but the hall seemed more crowded because everyone else had brought their family. Their moms were weeping and the rest clung onto them as long as they could. I was told to fill out a candidate form with the usuals: full name, date and place of birth, candidate number. But one stood out to me, ‘special skills:’

I considered putting piano down as a special skill, but would it be considered as important? Maybe taekwondo? I needed something that would make me seem useful to them.

“Calligraphy maybe? No, no, no I’m all wrong…” A voice to my right whispered in a worried tone.

I looked up and saw a girl gripping on the form, hard. I didn’t see any family with her and the sweater she was wearing seemed unironed and it was spotted with patches of dirt here and there. Her hair was in a frizz, like it hadn’t been brushed in years. She was a mess. She must’ve been an orphan.

It was unfair, the test was unfair for people like her. They don’t get the same training and opportunities. She shouldn’t have to do it on the same level as us. This was all wrong.

“Did I study enough? What if I don’t make it? No! No! No!” She whispered to herself again. I bet she hardly knew that her other hand was already tangling her hair.

“Hey, it’s okay” I slowly approached her. “You’re gonna be fine.”

“No, I’m not.” She grabbed my wrist and looked right into my eyes. “And you won’t be either, if we don’t pass, we’re gonna d—”

“Good morning everyone, the exam is about to start, please hand in your candidate forms to one of our invigilators and take a seat.” The announcer started. His voice made my hands tremble and she let it go. She backed away slowly, with the worry still lingering in her eyes, before turning to her own form.

I quickly wrote down every non-academic skill that I had and gave the paper to one of them. Was this good enough? It had to be, please let it be enough.

I glanced at the girl one more time before I settled on my desk. She was already rubbing her nails against the pencil she had. I turned away immediately, looking at her only made me even more nervous.

Not long after, the exam started. I knew what to expect from it, it was going to determine my future; whether I’d stay or leave. But whether I liked it or not, I had to do it. Everyone my age had to do it, that’s just how our system ran.

Four hours later, we were called back into the hall for the announcement. I sat down at the same seat I sat on when I took the exam.

“Please look at the monitor to find out which five among you made it through.” The announcer started again.

The black screen in front lit up and five names were sprawled on there. Mine was not among them.

“Congratulations to our new mathematicians! And to those who didn’t make it, we’re sorry but you are of no use to our new society. As you know, only the smartest can survive.”

My whole body froze at his words and so did my breathing. I knew what it meant, I knew what would happen to me; what they’d do to me. This sudden wave of fear came crashing at me all at one go, lacing every bone in my body with fright and anxiety, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe.

Suddenly, the back entrance opened and ten soldiers with guns flooded the hall. A girl beside me cried out in fear. “NO! Please!”

I stared at a guy’s reflection in the soldier’s shiny black boot, wondering why he was crying before I recognized that he was me. No, No, No! My heart spasmed right out of my chest, making it difficult for me to get a breath. I immediately tried to take in air as hard I could but my panicking body wouldn’t let me.

They grabbed me by the neck and pushed me to the ground abruptly. I didn’t have enough time to process the pain that erupted before another took me by the foot and dragged my body on the cold hard floor. I don’t know if it was the pain or the tremendous fear that was controlling every fiber of my body but my vision started disappearing on me.

The last thing I saw was a gun to my head. How could I have ever thought it looked small?